Slump, Big Time Slump

I lost my first match in the NY Summer Open yesterday. I lost 2-0, she either pulled guard and immediately swept or got a takedown, I honestly don't remember. I spent the rest of the match defending until the time ran out from bottom half.

I have not won a single gi match since the Renzo Open in December 2011. This is pretty upsetting to me because I've made a lot of changes since getting my blue belt in terms of training, diet, and general competition preparation. I'm in much better shape, am in a new weight class (featherweight), and am training 5-6 days per week, sometimes twice a day, with additional strength and conditioning thrown in. Here are some of the things I think might be contributing to my losses/losing streak:

- when I was at Shaolin's in 2012 (before my job switch forced me back to NJ for training), I was VERY stubborn and got frustrated very easily. I was able to change this aspect in the fall of 2012.
- switching schools- after I left Shaolin's, I began training at Jason Scully's academy. Jason has now closed his school, and due to the way I saw the school was operating, I left about a month before he shut the doors of the academy. I am moving in August for grad. school, so I'll be switching schools yet again!
- technique. Of course, technique is something we all work on
- aggression. I've had training partners tell me I'm not aggressive enough when rolling in class. I think this is because sometimes I think "I'm so much smaller than all these guys, what's the point in being aggressive if I'm just going to get overpowered?"

The first one is more or less resolved, the second I have minimal control over, the third is something I'm actively working on, but the last one is the biggest problem. I had much more killer instinct (to the point of it being a problem) when I was a white belt and a very early blue belt. I seem to have lost it for some reason and I'm not sure why. I want to win and I want to do well, but pulling the trigger in competition seems to be a problem for me. My conditioning/gas tank is very good, as I do a lot of outside conditioning and am rarely tired or unable to attack when rolling.

I'm was going to do a Grappler's Quest in NJ this week, but cutting to 119 is going to be very tough for me right now, and I have some cauliflower ear I need to take care of. I'm going to spend at least a week off the mat to take care of my ear and refocus myself. When I get back on the mat, I'm going to make a VERY conscious effort to go as hard as possible without being spazzy or careless.